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The visitor 1/8/2007
A visitor to a mental institution asked the Doctor how he
decided which patients should be kept in. The Doctor said
" We fill up a bath then offer the patient a teaspoon,
teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub"
The visitor said " Oh i see, a normal person would choose
the bucket, because it's biggest" The Doctor
said "No, a normal person would pull the fucking plug
out. Would ...
1 Comments,
231 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Paddy & the priest 1/8/2007
A priest was seated next to Paddy on a flight, Paddy ordered
a Rum and Coke. The flight attendant asked the priest if
he would like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd
rather be by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my
lips." Paddy handed his drink back and said "
Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!!"
groan groan groan !!!!
1 Comments,
254 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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The man 1/7/2007
There once was a man who couldnt keep it going with his wife...
He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills.... There
was a label that said...." Take one pill for a great
night" the man thought that he wanted a stupendous
night, so he downed the whole bottle.....In the morning
the neighbours came over to find the man's on the
porch crying" whats wrong?" they said.....
" Mum's dead.. ...
1 Comments,
211 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score
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Elephant toes 1/6/2007
This is one of those jokes that are so bad that they make people
laugh. I use it at parties and it always breaks any ice. I'm
sure some of you will hate it though.
<br>
<br>
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
<br>
<br>
So they can hide in cherry trees. They're really good.
I mean, have you ever seen an elephant in a ...
1 Comments,
199 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Twinkle Twinkle (omg here i go again !!!!) 1/6/2007
Twinkle twinkle little knob,
How she loves it in her gob
When the knob begins to twitch,
She pulls it out the selfish bitch !!
omg !!!! someone pay me quick to stop !!!!!
1 Comments,
413 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Peanuts 1/5/2007
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a
highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old
lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully
munches up.
After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She
repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little ...
0 Comments,
435 Views,
47 Votes
,5.06 Score
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An ugly man 1/5/2007
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his
face.
"What are you so happy about?" Asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you, " replies the ugly
man.
"You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home
last night, I
noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.
I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my
place.
Anyway, ...
3 Comments,
460 Views,
54 Votes
,3.41 Score
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aircraft woes 1/5/2007
A young man takes a seat on a plane next to a very attractive
woman. He eyes her up and they exchange lite banter. Suddenly
the portside engine explodes in a ball of flame and the plane
begins a steep dive. The woman panics, looks at the man then
rips her top off revealing a perfect pair of breasts "make
me feel like i woman" she pleads. So the guy rips off
his shirt and hands it to her. ...
2 Comments,
166 Views,
10 Votes
,1.99 Score
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Why is a christmas tree better than a man ? 1/4/2007
Why is a christmas tree better than a Man? it's erect
for 12 days and nights has cute balls, and looks good with
the lights on !!
2 Comments,
215 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Morons 1/3/2007
A big moron and a little moron are standing on the edge of
a cliff.
The big moron fell off....why didn't the little moron?
?
??
???
????
???
??
?
Because he was a 'little more on' (the cliff that
is...get it?)
1 Comments,
124 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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That damn light bulb again! 1/3/2007
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
four: One to screw in the bulb and the other three to make
a documentary about it!
1 Comments,
129 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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That lucky old lady... 1/3/2007
Old Mother Hubbard went to cupboard to get her poor a
bone,
But when she bent over rover drove her and gave her a bone
of his own!
1 Comments,
183 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Horses and bars. 1/3/2007
A walks into a bar.
...
1 Comments,
122 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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An airplane crashes in the desert... 1/3/2007
The British Prime Minister, The Japanese Prime Minister,
and The American President
Are all walking through the desert, each have brought one
item.
The man from Britain has a pot of tea. This way, if he gets
hot and thirsty he can sip some tea to quench his thirst and
hot liquid will help to regulate his body's temperature
with the air outside.
The Japanese has a ...
2 Comments,
266 Views,
25 Votes
,3.13 Score
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Don't Torture Yourself 1/3/2007
One day my sub kept emailing me begging me for correction.
I was so busy on that particular day that I simply just didn't
have the time.
After receiving her eighth email I sent her a reply telling
her this and finished up with the words, ".......
so please don't torture yourself."
Quick as a flash came the response, "I might as well
because you're not going to!"
1 Comments,
88 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Some Halloween recommendations 1/1/2007
Since this is the time of year when weird things happen I
think I should give a series of advice with supernatural
creature relations.
Cujo: the from the Steven King story. Just hit him on
the nose with a rolled up newspaper! He's a freaking
dog!
Chuckie: He's a plastic toy, so just tie him under a
heat lamp for an hour and you are safe.
Jason Voorhees: ...
1 Comments,
153 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
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The Genie 1/1/2007
A recently wed couple are out playing golf one afternoon.
About midway through the round, the wife slices a drive
off the tee, out of bounds, towards some houses lining the
course. The couple hears the sound of shattered glass and
run to investigate.
They find a shattered glass door, and inside, a shattered
vase, and a dark skinned man standing in the middle of the
room.
Upon ...
1 Comments,
166 Views,
13 Votes
,6.33 Score
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Adult Toy Store 1/1/2007
A guy was looking around in an adult toy store and saw an amazing
looking fake pussy in the display case. He had never seen
anything that looked so real. The clerk came over and asked
him if he would like to examine it more closely. The guy says
sure and the clerk takes it out and places it on top of the
counter. Up close it looks even more realistic. The clerk
explains that there are many ...
1 Comments,
873 Views,
17 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Writer 1/1/2007
Therewas once a young man who, in his youth, professed his
desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great"
he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,
stuff that people
will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will
make them scream,
cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
1 Comments,
307 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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transmission 1/1/2007
A penguin is driving an old car and it starts to have transmission
trouble. He takes it to a shop and the mechanic says he will
need to check it out, come back in an hour.
The penguin goes over to a convience store and gets an icecream
cone, but he has flippers instead of hands. So he eats it
as best he can but gets the icecream all over his beak.
He goes back to the shop and the ...
1 Comments,
224 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Political Joke.... 1/1/2007
Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and George W. Bush go to a fitness spa
for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three
decide to visit the men's room where they find a strange-looking
gent sitting at the entrance. He says: "Welcome to
the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest
feature, a mirror, which, if you look into it and say something
truthful, you will be rewarded with ...
1 Comments,
382 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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The new stamp (an oldie) 1/1/2007
The post office has just released a new stamp in the shape
of a clitoris.... It's not selling too well as only
3% of males know how to lick it properly !!!!!
even I'm groaning now !!!!
1 Comments,
135 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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How do you know ??? 1/1/2007
How do you know when your girlfriend is on steroids? She
rolls you over and fucks you in the arse with her clit !!
(Now thats one tough woman !!!)
1 Comments,
181 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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A new T Shirt 1/1/2007
There is a new T shirt out.... Called the Saddam Hussain
T
shirt..... bit tight around the neck but hangs well !!
omg !!!!
All of these jokes are sms that I get on my mobile phone from
friends and rello's...
1 Comments,
420 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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A man catches a tasty bird giving him the eye 12/31/2006
A man catches a tasty bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.
" Do I know you?" he says. She asks him "arent
you the father of one of my ?" He quickly thinks
back to the only time he was ever unfaithful and adds "were
you the I fucked over the snooker table at my stag
do while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery whilst
shoving that huge cucumber up my arse?" "No"
she ...
1 Comments,
335 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Man says to wife 12/31/2006
Man says to wife "tell me something that will make
me happy and yet sad!" His wife thinks for a second
and says " your cock is much bigger than your brothers"!!
1 Comments,
190 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Dr Dave 12/31/2006
Dr Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt really
guilty. No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal
was overwhelming. But every once in a while a voice whispered
your single, just let it go.... But invariably the other
voice would bring him back to reality whispering "
Dave your a fucking vet"....
1 Comments,
174 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Blonde in a car crash 12/31/2006
Blonde girl in a car crash says " I think i have concussion
" paramedic asks " How many fingers have i got
up" she replies " Oh fuck I'm paralised
too!!"
1 Comments,
288 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Sick Chinese man 12/31/2006
Chinese man rings his boss... Me no work I sick. Boss syas
when I'm sick I fuck my wife, try that? 2 hours later
chinese man rings back, m e better, u got nice house !!
1 Comments,
366 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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A Loving Husband 12/31/2006
A loving husband had " I love you" tattoed on
his dick... When he got home he showed his with..... She
said.... "there you go trying to put fucking words
in my mouth again"
1 Comments,
334 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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