Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

cuzisaid 53F  
5595 posts
7/2/2018 11:02 am
Oh the ways my toes curl when I hear that *snick**click* sound


I don't know if you get the alt newsletter or not but this was a piece of one I got this morning and I had to share with my dear one offsite but that just wasnt enough.

I crack up each time I think about it. Who comes up with this shit??

PER THE NEWSLETTER

Don't feel left out: lots of ALT.com members don't know the countless ways to connect on the site. If you agree, text your answer to #turkeybaster #bozowig #boiledpanties or #cliponpork. Now let's brings some of your BDSM fantasies to life.


Boiled panties?!?! BOZO WIG

Im almost hearthurt that they dont say how to find out more!

Soooooooooo Im making my own list of kinky cuziness.

1. Clip-on-sunglasses.
The CLICK...the subtle sneak a peek of plastic rims poking out menacingly around those DARK mirrored clip on surfaces. *squirms n squees*

2. Knucklecracking.
The POP....the CRACK....oh how I shiver with glorious anticipation when I hear those knuckles expelling their harsh quick burst of air.

3. Umbrella-opening.
For the outdoor exhibitionist in us all nothing beats that WOOSH of an umbrella sliding open and locking into place. It;s point stabs. Its protective rainbow opening and protecting all under its embrace from sun, rain, pollen, bad itune playlists and government satellite intrusion. I demand my London Fog Privacy. Its my right to be free and me.

4. Christmas wrapping paper.
Self explanatory. Duh

5. Wetnaps.
The wet squish! The foamy outpouring when you shake or rub! How much lemon scented gooey goodness can one attain in a 4 inch square? Only the foil wrappers knows for sure.

6. ....ummmm

I'll tell you when you're older.

Ok so mine are nowhere near as funny as the ones listed but they make me laugh just as much

Creaky knee joints, papercuts n polkadots, retractable ball point pens.....the alt world is truly a kinky and hinky place online and in the mind.

The SHARPIE need is real people. Never forget that!

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/2/2018 11:05 am

It's just wrong I tell ya!

This....THIS is what happens when 'certain' people wake up early and in a good mood on a Monday.

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


jenny14 75T  
90121 posts
7/2/2018 5:09 pm

cuzi

Thanks for the laughs (as always )


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


GOD_GOD_GOD 98M

7/2/2018 7:13 pm

Walmart is up to some unusual marketing ploys on ALT perhaps. A girl made me poke the end of her Pa's rifle barrel into her because she enjoyed its coolness. "You ought to try it" she said "It feels so wonderful!". I had to find the cleaning rod in all the junk in the shed. Rust in the rifle barrel would cause suspicion. How do you explain those "bites on your lip" marks to your boss on a Monday morning at work? Oh we moved onto her Daddy's golf set after the rifle barrel, the old fashioned large blade putter was just the job. She asked who Sam Snead was before she handed it to me to stick it up her. I told her he was a country boy who played in his bare feet. We played some golf too one evening when everyone had gone home, and had more than out bare feet on the beautifully manicured greens.


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 12:41 am

    Quoting  :

Yes! that crinkly sound NOT found when unwrapping CD's IS exciting. Seriously happy sounds for sure buuuuuuut nothing like skeeball!!



I cheat my ass off at that shit cuz I love it. I should get a part time job at chuck e cheese just to indulge myself. I dont mind kicking a 6 year olds ass just to get more tickets.

Theres an indoor more grown up than kids arcade and event place w/ go karts and black light putt putt and virt reality game lazer tag and the round hover dodge ems. I drool over their ads. Id get thrown out on the dodgems alone( im vicous abut those too) but itd be worth it,

Vac hickies.....*cracks up*

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 12:42 am

    Quoting  :

Glow sticks, pixie stix and....ok I know what pop rocks are.

Never move your tongue when giving a BJ with em. Just an FYI

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 12:49 am

    Quoting  :

WHAT is gingerbeer damn it? The old fashioned original type Ginger Ale?

If so, THAT would be jazz inducing. makes me tingly anyway

Today is the day for that sulfury burnt powder smell. I love that smell too. I'd buy the Scratch n sniff sticker book.

Oooooooo sticker fetish! But not chinese stickers....lead ya know.

Im more a CLAW game kinda girl but damn I havent seen a chinese pinball machine since Chun Wahs in the 70's.

I could easily develop an eggroll kink

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 12:54 am

    Quoting  :

ok, thats hot if its a chevelle around my age

Plastic seat stickage....the sound of skin ripping in hot weather as it unsticks from the seat. Totally hot

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 1:04 am

    Quoting  :

Ah yeeeaaahhhh *sigh* those old floor click buttons.

and twist dial glove boxes or the single button ones. I miss our first car. It was a deep turquoisey green, gorgeous it was.

The old whip style antennas are definietly a kinky dream. LOl I have a story about one in the mag section still. Its unreadable thanks to alts constant text fuckage but I didnt have the heart to take it down like I did all the others.

I'll skip the bush unless theres a pecker peeping out but ......

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 1:06 am

    Quoting  :

*grunts and clasps hands over heart*

THAT is so unfair. Hitting below the belt

I wann try that spray on removable paint....It peels off and comes in metallics. yeah its made for cars but Id spray it on me or somepne else. itd be like a latex body suit only pearlescent or metallic.

Ok, not im sticking to the couch cuz thats juicy

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 1:07 am

    Quoting jenny14:
    cuzi

    Thanks for the laughs (as always )
*curtsies*

It was a silly morning

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/4/2018 1:13 am

    Quoting GOD_GOD_GOD:
    Walmart is up to some unusual marketing ploys on ALT perhaps. A girl made me poke the end of her Pa's rifle barrel into her because she enjoyed its coolness. "You ought to try it" she said "It feels so wonderful!". I had to find the cleaning rod in all the junk in the shed. Rust in the rifle barrel would cause suspicion. How do you explain those "bites on your lip" marks to your boss on a Monday morning at work? Oh we moved onto her Daddy's golf set after the rifle barrel, the old fashioned large blade putter was just the job. She asked who Sam Snead was before she handed it to me to stick it up her. I told her he was a country boy who played in his bare feet. We played some golf too one evening when everyone had gone home, and had more than out bare feet on the beautifully manicured greens.
Oh Babes, lol I dunno what the hell you are talking about but the rust and the ramrod and some of the rest is tickling me to death.

I think Im just too tired to think. Will review again at a later date

*bites YOUR lip then softly licks it better*

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~


SylviaSoulier 58F
8209 posts
7/8/2018 3:51 pm



Hearing people groan when I do physical adjustments on them just RIGHT when I teach gets me in my half way between scary and normal doorway to the Other World.


cuzisaid 53F  
14988 posts
7/14/2018 10:29 pm

    Quoting SylviaSoulier:


    Hearing people groan when I do physical adjustments on them just RIGHT when I teach gets me in my half way between scary and normal doorway to the Other World.


Ok. I'll admit it. I shivered a bit in fear as I heard spine cracking going on in my head.

Sometimes I make a move, sorry to leave my home, but hope I will find another of equal character.
At night I gaze at the starry mass with no idea to which one the earth attached.
May'be that cute little one over there or that one that sits alone in the inky black
.
~~ 'My place amongst the stars' c/o former member SPB ~~



Become a member to comment on this blog